


A Shot At Normalcy

by sisterofdionysis



Category: Fallout 3
Genre: Drug Use, Eventual Smut, F/M, Recreational Drug Use, Romance, Slow Burn, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-02-17 17:12:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13081479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sisterofdionysis/pseuds/sisterofdionysis
Summary: Gob is having a hard time accepting the feelings he has for the Lone Wanderer. He doesn't want her to be ostracized. He wants her to have a normal life.But, when she shows up at the bar with Charon following close behind, it makes him jealous. It makes him wonder if he's made a mistake.Inspired by magnificent's fic 'Crazy He Calls Me,' which was inspired by orayang's 'Touch'





	1. Act Appalled

**Author's Note:**

  * For [magnificent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnificent/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Crazy He Calls Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8644909) by [magnificent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnificent/pseuds/magnificent). 



> If you've never read Crazy He Calls Me, do yourself a favor and give it a read! It's AMAZING!!! Also, thank you Magnificent for beta reading this for me! It's my first fallout fic, and my first fanfic in like, 15 years (I used to write a lot as a kid). So, I guess you could call this my first real attempt at fanfiction.
> 
> Obviously, there's a bunch of stuff in this chapter I borrowed from 'Crazy He Calls Me.' So really, all the credit for this chapter (and the whole story really) goes to Magnificent.

It was early afternoon in Moriarty's Saloon, and so far it had been an atypically quiet day. Not that afternoons were usually all that busy, but they were never this slow either. Aside from the two employees, the bar was completely empty. Gob was happy for the brief reprieve of his everyday suffering at the hands of Moriarty, as well as the extremely bigoted patrons that inhabited Megaton. However, the lack of customers also put him on edge. It felt like the eerie calm before a really intense rad storm. Which, it probably was. He had no doubt that if things continued on this slowly, he would surely get the blame.

Why does he even have me tending the bar when most of the customers can just barely stand to be around me? He didn't have to think very hard to come up with an answer to that. Unless Moriarty bought another slave, there was no sane person in the Capital Wasteland who would work so hard for such a small amount of pay. And if there was one thing Moriarty loved in this world- it was money. Gob sometimes thought he would be stuck in this hell hole for forever.

The silence in the bar was making him feel restless. He reached into his pocket, feeling the half empty pack of cigarettes. Right now he'd love nothing more than to sit down and smoke. At the very least it would help ease his anxiety and give him something to do with his hands. However, he didn't want to take the risk. Even though Moriarty thankfully wasn't in the bar, he knew his employer (or rather, his owner) would be back any second from hunting down unpaid tabs. And Moriarty would beat him senseless if he caught Gob taking any kind of break, even if there weren't any customers in the bar.

Sighing in resignation, he decided to see if he could get the radio working. He turned it on, only to hear the garbled and barely audible voice of Three Dog. After a couple minutes of fiddling with the dials, which yielded no results, he started to become more irate. Why was it he was always denied the simplest of things? The radio was one of the few good things in this shithole of a dive bar.

 

Nova eyed him warily. It was the fourth time today he was trying to get the radio to work, and it was starting to irritate her.

"Come on, you piece of junk! Every day it's the same damn thing..." He began smacking the piece of prewar technology, an annoyed growl escaping from his throat.

"I told you Gob, it ain't the radio." Nova said, trying to sound patient. "The enclave station comes in fine. It's Galaxy News. Their signal's been shit lately."

Gob hoped that wasn't the case. If it was a problem with the radio, that meant that there might be a chance at fixing it. But if it was the signal, no amount of banging on the radio was going to work, and he would just have to wait it out.

"Come on! Work! Come on, work!" he pleaded, banging his fist against the radio. It was no use. "Why...won't...you...work?" he seethed through gritted teeth. He gave the radio one last whack, more out of frustration than anything else.

Gob had been so absorbed with what he was doing that he didn't notice the door had opened and closed. When he looked up, he saw a small girl staring at him, eyes wide in what he assumed to be horror, clutching a pistol to her chest. He quickly turned away from her and started wiping down the bar. Just great. What the hell is a kid doing in here? He hoped that whoever she was, her parents would come in any second to look for her. A bar was no place for a kid that young. Well, at least not this particular bar. It's not like there was any age restrictions when it came to drinking in this post apocalyptic world.

But, there were some bartenders with a sense of morality in the capital wasteland, and most of them wouldn't serve liquor to a kid that looked younger than fifteen- which she certainly did. However, Moriarty wasn't a man of high moral character, and as long as this girl's caps were good, Gob knew he would have no choice but to serve her.

Although, she didn't look like she was here for a drink. The few kids that had passed through Megaton over the years and had stopped in the bar looked more like miniature, battle-worn soldiers than actual children. They were always dirty, tan skin covered in scars, and their demeanor held the type of grim hollowness you only see in someone who's spent too much time out in the wastes. In contrast, her unnaturally pale skin was unmarred, she was cleaner than anyone he'd ever seen, and there was something about her appearance that suggested she had lived a life of innocence and shelter.

After a couple minutes had passed by, he turned back towards the door to finish wiping down the front of the bar, hoping that the kid had the good sense to leave. She was still there, still staring at him. Gob turned to Nova, who was seated at the bar, and gave her a pleading look.

"What do you want me to do about it?" She asked, keeping her voice low so the girl wouldn't hear her. "I know you're uncomfortable serving kids, but it's not like we can just go shooing customers away. Moriarty'd have a fit if he found out."

Gob sighed. "I know, I know. But, did you take a look at her? Kid looks like she's never had a sip of alcohol in her entire life," he said in a hushed voice.

Gob and Nova turned to look at the girl who was now walking towards the bar. "Hey honey, are you-" Before Nova could finish her sentence, the little girl burst into tears.

Of course. What kid wouldn't act that way when looking at a living, walking corpse? Gob looked away, sure that he was the reason the girl had started crying. He sighed, starting to feel the familiar twinge of depression and guilt. I'm sorry, kid, I know I look like a monster, he internally apologized to her, not wanting to speak and scare her further.

"What's wrong?!" Nova asked, surprised by the girl's sudden outburst.

"I-I can’t... I can't f-find..." she managed to choke out in between sobs, before becoming incoherent.

"Its okay, honey, it's okay. Why don't you take a couple deep breaths, and tell us what happened." Nova reached behind the bar and grabbed a can of water, handing it to the girl.

She calmed down enough to take a few tentative sips and her persistent wailing faded into quiet whimpering and the occasional hiccup. "I c-can't find my d-daddy. He... he went missing from... from..." She trailed off, a shocked expression crossing her face. "It... it was terrible." She placed the can of water on the bar and started using the sleeve of her jacket to wipe off the tears and snot that covered her face.

"Here," Gob said as he handed her a somewhat clean rag, not looking up to meet her gaze. He didn't want to scare her anymore than she already was.

"Thank you," she mumbled, taking it to clean her face. She took a deep breath before continuing, struggling to not cry. "I talked to someone outside. He said that... that the owner of this bar... that he might know something."

Nova thought for a moment. "Well, Moriarty does like to keep tabs on people." She looked around, making sure the bar was still empty. "Tell you what, sugar, since it doesn't look like anyone is coming in any time soon, I'll go get Moriarty for you."

Before Gob could tell her it was a bad idea, Nova was out the door, leaving the two of them alone. Gob went back to wiping down the bar, trying to keep himself busy. The girl had taken a seat at the bar and was looking at him intently. Again with the staring.

"You need something smoothskin?" he questioned, not looking up from what he was doing. One of the many lessons deeply ingrained in him from years of working at Moriarty's was to never look people in the eyes. If he kept his head down it was one less excuse for people to mess with him.

"Can I ask you something?" She looked nervously at her hands.

"What is it?" Gob asked hesitantly. Sure, this girl seemed nice enough. But there were plenty of people in Megaton who seemed nice on the surface only to act malicious when coming into contact with him. Why should this kid be any different?

"What happened to you?"

"What happened to me?" Gob repeated, confused by the question.

"Yeah, you know... to your skin? Were you in a fire?"

Of course. Why did he expect any different? This girl was just another bigot looking for a cheap laugh at his expense.

"What? Never seen a ghoul before?" he questioned, a little more forceful than he meant to.

"What's a ghoul?"

"You're kidding, right?" She shook her head and Gob couldn't tell if she was messing with him or if she was serious. Though, she certainly did look confused. He guessed that maybe she was from one of those communities that didn't allow ghouls. "You know, a shuffler, rotter, zombie..."

The girl looked even more perplexed. "Oh... I read a book about zombies once. But, I thought they weren't real. Plus, you don't really seem like a zombie. For one, you can talk. And two, you're not trying to eat me."

Gob rolled his eyes at her statement and was about to make a retort, but stopped himself when he saw the girl remove the too big leather jacket she was wearing. His eyes instinctively moved to her chest (which made him hate himself even more), and written across the top of her blue jumpsuit read the numbers '101.’ That explains a lot, he thought to himself. Of course she wouldn't know what a ghoul was. And it also explained why she looked cleaner than any other wastelander he had ever seen. "You're from a vault?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah..." she said, the sadness evident in her voice. "Before today, I had never even considered leaving the vault. I didn't think it was even possible, you know? But my daddy... he just left... he completely abandoned me and I have no idea why.” She wiped away a tear that was rolling down her cheek. “I’m alone.”

Her words pulled at Gob's heartstrings. What kind of parent would leave their kid alone like that? It made him want to reach out and hug her. But he figured that would probably be more terrifying than it would comforting. Even if she was from a vault, and even if she was being nice, he had no doubt that the thought of him touching her in any kind of way, even a friendly hug, would make her cringe.

"I'm sorry,” she said, a sheepish expression crossing her face. “We just met and here I am telling you all my problems."

Gob wasn't sure how to respond to that. With the exception of Nova, he wasn't used to people treating him like a human being. And he sure as hell wasn't used to people apologizing to him. It made him feel uneasy, like at any second the small girl would start to berate him. "Kid, you don't need to apologize to me," was all he managed to say.

She shrugged, not really understanding the meaning behind his words. "I guess. By the way, I never introduced myself. I’m Kay." She reached out her hand and Gob immediately flinched, thinking he was about to get hit. When she made no move to strike him, he looked at her hand questioningly, wondering what she wanted. His confusion must have been evident because she lowered her hand. "Oh... I'm sorry. Is that not a thing people do here? I should have figured that some customs are going to be different than in the vault."

And then it dawned on him. "Did... did you want to shake my hand?"

"Well, yeah. Isn't that what you normally do when meeting someone?"

"Yes. But, not with ghouls. Most smoothskins can't stand to look at us, let alone touch us." Fucking idiot, he internally scolded himself. Aside from beatings, he couldn't remember the last time someone had actually touched him. Even though Nova was usually nice to him, she wouldn't dirty her hands by touching a ghoul. No one would. Not since Underworld. And now he blew the only chance he would have at human contact.

Kay looked appalled. "That's terrible! Well, I don't mind. Plus, my daddy taught me to be polite to people." She smiled and stretched out her hand once again.

This time he didn't hesitate, taking her hand in his. Her thumb brushing against his scarred flesh made him shiver. Everything felt so surreal. He briefly wondered if this was some sort of dream. An illusion brought about by his desperate need for human contact. When was the last time he touched skin this smooth? Probably never. It made him feel almost human again. This simple, kind gesture gave him a rush of emotion and was almost enough to bring tears to his eyes. She rubbed her thumb against his palm, curiously feeling the ruined skin, and then ran her thumb against the exposed nerves on his hand. He quickly put his other hand against his mouth, stifling the moan that threatened to spill from his lips.

She must have noticed his reaction, because she let go of his hand. "I'm sorry... does it hurt?" She questioned, looking at the mottled flesh and exposed nerves that ran through his hand to his arm.

"It.. it's fine." Monster. What kind of person has that kind of reaction to a kid touching their hand?

Kay looked up at him curiously. "Well, if it doesn't hurt... Would it be okay if I touched your hand again? When I lived in the vault I was training to become a doctor and well, I've never seen anyone quite like you before. Its really interesting."

Gob almost couldn't believe what he was hearing. Being polite was one thing. But she actually wanted to touch him. At this point he couldn't care less what her reasoning was. Gob nodded his head, completely at a loss for words. When she touched his hand again and started running her fingers up his arm, he unconsciously closed his eyes. On one hand, he was relishing the feeling of being touched by another human being. On the other hand, he completely hated himself and felt wrong that he was getting this much enjoyment out of it. And to make matters worse, his body was not reacting the way he wanted it to. All the blood seemed to be rushing straight towards his cock. But he couldn't bring himself to pull away. At least the bar was separating the two of them and she couldn't see what a terrible person he was.

As if on cue, the doors swung open and in walked Nova and Moriarty. Gob jumped back as quickly as if the girl's touch had burned him and ducked down, pretending to tie his shoe. Kay gave him a questioning look when he jumped back, but thankfully didn't say anything. Most of the people in Megaton already thought of him as a grotesque, deformed monster. Not only that, but some people also thought of him as cowardly. He didn't want to add 'pervert' to their list of insults.

When Moriarty saw that Gob wasn't working, he immediately started to scold him. "Get back to work, shuffler! I'm not paying ya to tie your fucking shoes all day!" He glanced around the bar, noticing the lack of patrons. "Tell ya what, since you seem to like being on the floor so much, you can grab a rag and start cleaning it. I want this whole floor to be clean and dry by the time the next customer comes in, or you're in for a world o' hurtin' later."

Gob knew he was giving him an impossible task on purpose. It was just an excuse for Moriarty to beat him senseless later. Not that he really needed an excuse. After all, even with Simms outlawing slavery in Megaton, Gob was still technically a slave. He hated how everyone just looked the other way when it came to Moriarty's misdeeds. Nevertheless, he pushed down his hatred and agreed, "Yes sir."

After that was taken care of, Moriarty turned his attention to Kay. "Good afternoon, lass. Colin Moriarty, at your service. Welcome to Moriarty's Saloon. Nova here tells me you're in need of some assistance. Why don't you come into my office and we'll have a chat?"

\----

Kay nodded and got up to follow him. She had decided as soon as he walked into the bar, that she didn't like him. Even though she wasn't always good at reading people, she felt there was something about the vibe Moriarty was giving off that made her inexplicably distrustful of him. And as soon as he started berating Gob for seemingly no reason, her suspicions were confirmed that he might not be that great of a person.

"Please, sit down, make yourself comfortable. Your troubles are a thing of the past," he said, gesturing towards the lone chair, once they were in the office and the door was closed.

Doubtful. Kay decided to remain standing, not wanting to let her guard down. "I'm looking for my dad," she said, voice cracking despite her best efforts to sound confident. "Maybe you've seen him. He's middle aged, with a beard and grey hair. He might have been wearing a Vault 101 suit and a lab coat."

A spark of recognition crossed his face and he looked her up and down, as if he was seeing her for the first time. "My God... It's you. The little baby girl all grown up. Persistent little flower, ain't ya? Then and now, it would seem. It's been a long time, kid."

Kay wanted to ask him just what the hell he meant by that. She opened her mouth, then closed it, trying to think of the right words to say. She wanted to call him a liar. As far as she knew, the vault had been sealed for 200 years. But, she also didn't want to anger the only person who might know the whereabouts of her father.

He waited for her reaction, but when none came, he took her silence for disinterest and continued talking. "Oh, your daddy passed through here, all right. Here and gone. Got what he came for, and then left. I'm assuming you'll do the same, correct?"

She was about to ask Moriarty where her father had gone to, knowing it was the more important of the two questions, but instead asked, "How could you possibly have known me when I was a baby? I was born in Vault 101, and so was my dad."

"Is that what your father told you? That you were born in that hole? That HE was born there as well?" The mocking laughter that followed his question was irritating to say the least. "Oh, the lies we tell to those we love. Your father brought you to the vault right after you were born. To keep you safe, you see. I remember it well- you stayed in my saloon, after all. Your father, his brotherhood of steel friend, and you, the suckling babe with nary a tit to suckle. Sorry about your mom. Truly."

"You... you knew my mom?" Kay sat down, shock written across her face. There were only two ways Moriarty could have known about her mother. One- he at one point lived in the vault- a vault her father had told her had been sealed for 200 years. Or two- he was telling the truth, and Kay and her mom and dad, were both from outside the vault. She didn't like either of those possibilities because it meant her father had definitely lied to her. She eyed Moriarty suspiciously, not knowing what to believe. Then again, what reason could he have for lying to a complete stranger?

"Not personally, no. But your father did mention her once or twice."

Kay blinked away tears. It was too much to take in right now. She'd be able to ask her father about all this once she actually found him. "Look, I just want to find my dad. Do you know where he is?"

"You seem like a nice kid, so I'm going to be straight with you. Your dad was here, and now he's not, and yes I know where he went. But what you're asking me for is information, and information is a commodity. Let's say... 100 caps, and daddy's location is yours. Very reasonable."

Kay didn't bother to hide the bemused expression that crossed her face. "Caps? What... what are caps?"

"Ah, right. I suppose you wouldn't know anything about the outside world, having been raised underneath it. It's our form of currency. And kid, I suggest you keep those kinds of questions to yourself. You wouldn't want anyone taking advantage, now would ya?"

She shook her head, an unsettling feeling welling up in her stomach, and her outlook growing bleaker.

"All right kid. Let me help you out, you know...for old time's sake."

She looked up, thinking he was going to help her without requiring anything in return, but her hopes were quickly dashed when he continued talking.

"If you don't have the caps to pay for the information, then maybe you could do a little favor for me."

Her stomach churned as she wondered exactly what this favor would entail. "Okay," she said with a sigh. "Anything to see my father again." She held her breath, waiting to hear what this favor would be.

"Eager, eh? Good, I like that. It's nice to have a doer in this shithole of a town for a change. This junkie bitch named Silver borrowed quite a few caps from me. Claimed she could start funneling jet and psycho to me for a good price. Problem is, she scrammed with the loot and set herself up in Springvale so she could inject herself into a stupor. Get the caps she owes me and they're yours. Yours to pay me with anyway," he said, punctuating his last statement with that annoying laugh.

Kay breathed a sigh of relief. It sounded difficult, but at least he didn't ask for anything sexual, something that she was very thankful for. She didn't want her first sexual experience to be with the sleazy man standing before her. She nodded her head and stood up to follow Moriarty out of the office.

\----

 

Gob had felt oddly worried when Kay walked into the office with Moriarty. It was a strange feeling. He wasn't used to being worried about anyone, especially not someone he just met. Years ago, he used to worry about Nova. When she first showed up at Moriarty's looking for work, she was so thin and sickly looking. The wastes had not been kind to her. But, he soon found out his worrying had been pointless. Underneath her seemingly frail demeanor she held that unmistakable fire of self preservation that was common amongst people who had to traverse the wasteland. 

An unpleasant memory creeps into his mind.

 

\----

It had been a week since Nova had arrived at Moriarty's. Gob had tried to talk to her a couple times, asking her if she was okay, or if she needed anything. Her usual response, aside from asking for more whisky, was an annoyed look, or a wave of her hand. It didn't bother Gob though. Annoyance was a welcomed reprieve from repulsion. And even though she wasn't outwardly nice to him, he still cared about her. Her disdain of him seemed more like it was born out of a need to fit in, rather than any actual animosity.

So, he kept his eye on her, noticing whenever she would take a client up to her room, how long she would usually be gone for, and what her mood would be like afterwards, trying to establish a pattern so if anything bad was happening, he would be able to notice right away. He knew It was probably pointless. No one in Megaton would dare cross Moriarty like that. Or so he thought.

It was was around 3 AM and the bar was mostly quiet. Moriarty was passed out in his room, an empty bottle of scotch lying on the floor. The two patrons Gob had been serving were slumped over the bar. Nova was leaning against the wall, looking a bit tired, but mostly bored. Gob was happy for the idle time, content to lean against the counter as he puffed on his cigarette. He lived for moments like these, when no one was demanding anything of him.

Of course, moments like these never lasted long. He was only halfway through his first cigarette when the door of the bar opened, and in walked two people he didn't recognize. Although it was hard to distinguish their features in the dimly lit bar, he could see they were both men, with hunting rifles slung over their backs.

The first one immediately took notice of Nova and walked over to her. The second walked over to the bar to order drinks. When he got closer to the bar, the first thing Gob noticed was that, although lanky, he was unusually tall. Despite his lankiness, he looked dangerous. His hair was shaved into a mohawk, and he wore an eyepatch over his left eye. The scars that littered his face-a sign of fights past won-made him look all the more formidable.

Upon seeing Gob, he scoffed. "I ain't never seen no zombie barkeep before."

Gob let the insult roll off him, as he had done so many times in the past. "What can I get you?"

"Bottle of whiskey."

Gob obliged, handing the man his drink, and then collecting the caps. He breathed a sigh of relief when the man walked away from him and towards Nova. He watched them converse for a few moments, before Nova lead them both upstairs. Two at once? He had never seen her take more than one person to her room at a time. It made him uneasy, and he could feel the worry sinking in. But, he decided to try and shrug it off, leaning against the bar once again to enjoy another cigarette.

The minutes creeped by, and after two hours the small worry he felt was starting to turn into a full blown panic. By now, Nova would usually have returned downstairs. Even if her client was spending the night, she would still come down from her room once they were done to get something to drink or eat. And it was too quiet. Maybe she just fell asleep. It was logical to assume that. But something inside him said he was wrong, and against his better judgement he got up to investigate.

When he knocked against the door, he was relieved to hear Nova's voice. "Come in, Gob."

How did she know it was him? He pushed the door open and his relief was short lived. Nova was covered in blood, sitting on her bed, smoking a cigarette... and smiling. At her feet were the now deceased men.

"What... what happened?" He hadn’t heard any loud noises. How did she manage to kill both of them so quietly?

Nova stood up off the bed, putting her cigarette out. "What, these two? Tried to get out of paying me." She walked closer to him, and he averted his eyes, just now realizing she was naked. "I see the way you've been looking at me since I got here. And it annoys me to no end. Stop keeping tabs on me. I may be a whore, but I can take care of myself."

And that was that. Ever since then, Gob hadn't felt the urge to worry over Nova. 

But Kay wasn’t Nova. She was a fresh-faced vault dweller and probably lacked any survival instincts.

The sound of footsteps snapped him out of his reverie. He looked up from his spot on the floor to see Moriarty walking out of the office, and looking way too pleased with himself, followed by a very dour-looking Kay. It made him wonder what had transpired. As Moriarty exited the building to smoke a cigarette, Kay walked up to the bar, grabbing her jacket she had left behind.

She didn’t bother to look at Gob, feeling too hopeless with the situation. "I have to go. I'll be back though... It was nice meeting you."

And before Gob could think of anything to say, she was out the door. He wondered if she would indeed come back, or if that would be the last he saw of her.


	2. I Wanna Be Yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to Magnificent for beta reading this for me! This fic was inspired by Crazy He Calls Me. If you haven't read it, you should, cause it's amaaaaazing!

The saloon was back to being busy. As per usual this time of night, Gob rushed back and forth serving drinks and ignoring insults. But, even with all the work he had to occupy himself with, he was having a hard time concentrating. It was only a little past eight, and he had already messed up several people's drinks, earning him a well placed kick to the spine, courtesy of Moriarty.  _ That asshole’s aim is never off... _

 

His earlier encounter had left him with a mix of all these different feelings. He felt sad, knowing that he might never see Kay again. She said she'd be back, but that would be a good thing. And good things rarely happened to him. He felt angry when he remembered her talk about her father. What kind of asshole just abandons their kid?

 

He worried about her. What were the odds that someone like her would make it in this world? Meeting her had also given him a sliver of hope. If someone like her existed in this cruel world, then maybe one day he would find a Kay of his own. Someone just as pretty as her, but age appropriate. Someone who didn't mind the fact that he was a ghoul. The thought might have made him feel happy, if he didn't find it such a ridiculous notion. He felt dumb for even entertaining those thoughts. And of course, he felt the deep seething self hatred that comes along with having these thoughts about a girl he only just met. A girl who's way too young for him. It makes him feel pathetic. Each emotion wages a war within his mind, battling for supremacy. It makes him feel a whole new type of anxious.

 

Occupied by his thoughts, and busy tending the bar, he didn't look up when the door opened and closed. Although, he was vaguely aware of a patron taking a seat at the far end of the bar. He walked over to take their order, but when he saw who it was, all words failed him. He gazed at her intently, staring into her bright green eyes. When she was last in the bar, he didn't get a very good look at her eyes, opting to keep his head down as best as he could. But this time he was feeling slightly braver than usual. He wasn't sure why. Perhaps it was in case he didn't see her again. When she left this afternoon, he thought her being gone forever was a real possibility. The fact that she was here now seemed to defy all odds. 

 

When he was a child, long before his ghoulification, he remembered leafing through one of the few books he owned. It was a large, pre war book titled ‘Encyclopedia of Gemstones and Precious Metals.’ At the time, he was still learning to read, and most of the words in the book were difficult to sound out. However, that didn't stop him from enjoying the pictures. His favorite one to look at was that of an exquisitely beautiful green stone. His mom, who was teaching him to read at the time, explained to him that it was called a Tsavorite- a type of garnet. Even though the colors in the book had faded with age, the vivid green of the Tsavorite stone had shone brightly. 

 

And those were her eyes. Two luminous garnets, a beacon of light in the dingy bar. It was a type of radiance you didn't see in the wasteland. They reminded him of a home long-forgotten, and of nature. He imagined that this brilliant shade of green was probably everywhere before the bombs fell. Her eyes were large and innocent, and held a type of kindness he was unfamiliar with. 

 

The dim lighting of the bar cast an almost celestial glow around her, making her look all the more captivating. And in the light, he saw a few winsome freckles speckled across her nose and cheeks that he hadn't noticed before. He took in each one, wanting to commit each of them to memory in case the unthinkable happened. 

 

Her full pink lips parted to speak and upon hearing her voice, his observation was cut short. He turned his eyes to floor, aware that his staring was most likely coming off as creepy. However, if Kay noticed his odd behavior, she didn't make any remarks about it. 

 

“Hey,” she said, offering him a sad, shy smile. “I told you I'd be back.”

 

He wanted to ask her what she had been up to for the past couple hours, but didn't want to seem like he was prying. So instead, he asked her if she wanted a drink.

 

After ordering a Nuka Cola, she counted out the correct amount of caps and put them on the bar. Gob wondered how she could have acquired money so quickly, having been out of the vault less than a day. Not that it was unheard of, but she seemed to lack the survival skills it would take to make something like that happen. But again, he refrained from bringing it up, too nervous to ask her anything personal. 

 

Kay took a few tentative sips of her drink, tucking a strand of red hair behind her ear. She seemed nervous. “When you get a minute, do you think you could find Moriarty for me?” 

 

This time Gob couldn't help himself and asked, “Why?” 

 

The expression on her face turned from one of nervousness to one of misery, and for a brief terrifying second, Gob was worried he had offended her. 

 

“I have the caps he needs.” 

 

The anxiety evident in her voice made him ask, “Why are you giving him caps?”

 

She looked down at the bar, nervously occupying her hands by playing with her hair. “Well... He said he knows where my daddy went. But, he needs caps in order to tell me.” Her voice came out small and somber. 

 

“He's extorting you?” Gob questioned in disbelief. As if he didn't already despise Moriarty enough. What kind of monster would blackmail a child like that? Although, it shouldn't have surprised him. Even though he had seen Moriarty do a lot worse, this one act filled him with a new kind of hatred for the man.

 

Kay just nodded her head.

 

No longer worried about being overly forward, he asked, “How much?”

 

“Two hundred,” she responded sheepishly.

 

“How did you even get that much money?” he asked, dreading the answer.

 

She bit her bottom lip and continued to fiddle nervously with her hair- traits that Gob would have found endearing if he wasn't so angry. “Well, I-"

 

Before she could finish her sentence, she was interrupted by one of the patrons drunkenly yelling from the other side of the bar. “Hey! You zombie fuck, hurry up with my goddamned whiskey!”

 

Gob groaned.  _ Fucking Jericho. _

 

He looked around to make sure Moriarty was out of ear shot before turning his attention back to Kay. He lowered his voice to a whisper, just in case. “Listen kid, I… I want to help you. There might be another way to get information on your dad. Can you just wait around until the bar calms down a bit? And please, please don't talk to Moriarty,” he practically begged her.

 

Gob didn't think she looked very convinced, but she agreed nonetheless. “Okay.”

 

\---

 

Kay spent the next few hours playing games on her Pip-Boy and observing the other patrons. They really didn't seem to like Gob all that much, shouting at him, calling him names. Even though she had only met a few people outside of the saloon, she decided that she didn't much care for the people of Megaton. With the exception of Gob and Nova, everyone seemed either mean or completely apathetic. It was very different from what she was used to. It was true that she didn't get along with everyone in Vault 101. But even so, she had felt a type of familial affinity with everyone there, even with the people she didn't like. 

 

A combination of naivety and being around the same people her entire life had been contributing factors in her delusion that the vault was some sort of paradise, and all its residents her extended family. She was wrong. She saw that now. 

 

Even with all that had happened, she was still having a hard time wrapping her head around it. She had always known there were people in the vault who didn't like her- mainly the Overseer. But she had viewed it as the type of dislike you would feel for an annoying child, instead of the seething hatred it was. Either way, she never imagined he would have ordered the guards to kill her. Even more unthinkable was the fact that they would actually comply with his orders. And then there was her father. It was still hard to believe he just abandoned her, his own daughter, without saying anything. With her mom gone, her father was the only blood relative she had. And yet he just up and left as if she meant nothing to him. The memory caused a wave of depression to wash over her. She thought their life in the vault had been happy. 

 

Kay tried to bottle up her feelings. She didn't want to start crying in the middle of the bar, in front of people she didn't know, for the second time that day.

 

She looked at her pip boy. Two hours and fifty three minutes. That's how long she had been sitting there. And with each passing minute she grew more and restless.  _ Maybe I should just find Moriarty.  _

 

She knew she should probably just be patient and wait, but her dad could be anywhere by now and she needed to find him. Handing over more than half of her money would definitely make her journey more challenging, but sitting here and doing nothing was driving her crazy. 

 

Nervously chewing her bottom lip, she stood up and decided that she would have to get the info from Moriarty, even if it meant leaving her broke. Gob was busily preparing drinks at the other end of the bar, and Kay decided she'd be able to sneak out without him seeing her. 

 

Before she could make it to the back office, someone grabbed her shoulder. Kay turned around to see the familiar face of the woman who had helped her earlier. 

 

“You're back,” Nova said, offering her a sympathetic smile. “Was Colin able to help you find your father?”

 

“Sort of,” Kay mumbled. “He said he knows where my daddy is, but he needs caps first.”

 

Nova’s laugh was humorless. “Of course he did. And you're just going to hand over your money to him?” Without waiting for an answer, she asked, “How much is he asking for anyway?”

 

Kay didn't want to answer. It embarrassed her that she was being taken advantage of so easily. But, Nova had tried to help her when she first came to the bar, so she figured the least she could do was be honest with her. She sighed in resignation. “Two hundred caps.”

 

Nova gave an impressed whistle. “Goddamn. And how did someone like you come across that amount of caps so quickly?” 

 

“Umm… well…” Kay started, trying to think of an answer. She liked Nova enough, but didn't know if she could trust her. 

 

Nova lit up a cigarette and waved her hand dismissively. “It's okay, kid. You don't have to tell me,” she said, offering Kay an understanding albeit misguided look. “I know things out there are rough. And you know, if you ever need some caps, I'm sure Moriarty’d let you work here. It ain't that bad really. There's food, shelter, and most of the johnnies here are nice.”

 

“Wait, that's not-" Before Kay could finish protesting Nova’s inaccurate assumption of her, she was interrupted by the same voice who had been yelling at Gob earlier. 

 

“C’mon baby, I've been waiting for you almost all night,” he said, putting his arm around Nova and drunkenly leaning against her. 

 

Nova swatted playfully at his arm, doing nothing to remove it from her shoulder. “Jericho, you're too much. It hasn't been that long.”

 

“Yeah, but I missed you,” he slurred.

 

The vaultie looked away, blushing brightly as the man, with no regard for Kay’s presence, proceeded to run one of his hands over Nova's body, stopping to grope her breast. 

 

“Well, let's go upstairs then, hun.” She took a long drag of her cigarette, handing it to Kay as she exhaled. “I gotta go. Think about what I said though, okay?” She turned to leave without waiting for an answer. 

 

Kay looked at the half-spent cigarette between her fingers, unsure of what to do with it. With the exception of alcohol, the vault had placed a ban on all substances the overseer had deemed ‘hazardous.’ It really was hypocritical, considering the tin of mentats Kay had snatched from the Overseer’s office when she had escaped the vault. She patted the outside of her pocket, making sure the tin was still there. If she ran out of caps, maybe she'd be able to sell or trade the drug for some food. 

 

After eyeing the cigarette for a moment, she placed it to her lips, deeply inhaling. The acrid smoke filled her lungs, causing her to cough harshly. 

 

_Disappointing_ , she thought, as she dropped the cigarette to the floor, stamping it out with her shoe. She had hoped it would at least be relaxing. Then again, life was seemingly full of disappointments, now more than ever. Feeling dizzy, Kay took her seat back at the bar. She looked around the room. The crowd was starting to thin out. She took it as a sign to continue waiting. 

 

Kay reached into her pocket, pulling out the tin of mentats. She turned it around in her hand, curiously inspecting the metal case. Growing up in the vault, she didn't really know a lot about drugs. She had heard the guards mention psycho and buffout a few times. And she was very familiar with med-x, seeing as how it was used in her dad’s clinic. However, she knew almost nothing about mentats.

 

She considered opening the tin and popping one of the pills into her mouth. Maybe it would help take away her lingering depression. Kay thought about it for a moment, but before she could make up her mind, she spotted Gob out of her peripheral vision. He was walking towards her. Hurriedly, she stashed the mentats back in her pocket, unsure if drugs carried the same stigma outside the vault. Most likely not. After all, Moriarty had openly told her about his plans to sell psycho. But she decided to play it safe, not wanting to offend the only person who actually wanted to help her. 

 

“Hey,” Kay said, looking up at Gob. “It seems like it's less busy now.” There were only two other patrons. Both of them had their heads on the counter, looking like they were about ready to pass out. 

 

“This time of night usually isn’t busy,” said Gob, as he leaned against the bar. As was his routine, he kept his gaze to the floor. Even though he had done so only hours ago, he felt uncomfortable looking into her eyes. Before it had been a desperate attempt to memorize her face in case he never saw her again. But doing so now seemed wrong for some reason. Maybe it was due to how nervous she made him feel. 

 

Not wanting to waste any more time, Kay asked, “So, you said you wanted to help me?”

 

Gob nodded. He wasn't sure what fit of madness possessed him to offer his help. If Moriarty found out, he'd likely kill him. And though he hated himself for it, he was having second thoughts. 

 

Kay offered him a warm smile and gently placed her hand over his. It caused his body to go rigid and that same electrifying feeling he felt earlier came rushing back to him, making everything feel hazy in the best possible way. Right, that's why he agreed to help. 

 

“Well, my plan kind of hinged on Nova helping us out, but she's sort of… well…” He fumbled around for words, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. 

 

“Yeah, I know. I saw her go upstairs with someone,” said Kay, equally as awkward. A faint pink dusted her cheeks. If she wasn't sitting right underneath the light, Gob would have missed it entirely. Though it was quite adorable, he didn't envy her in that moment. One of the few good things about being a ghoul was the inability to blush. 

 

Gob cleared his throat, ready to change the subject. “Anyway… Moriarty keeps a computer terminal in the back. In it, he keeps all the goings on in Megaton. He's that kind of guy. Likes to keep tabs on people, usually for coercion purposes. Information is a commodity, he always says. If you can get onto to that terminal, I bet be has information on your dad.” He paused for a moment, thinking how best to explain the rest of his plan. He knew Kay would be disappointed. “Nova knows the password, but since she's umm… busy at the moment, I don't know how you'll be able to get on it. Might have to wait until later.”

 

“Actually, if all we need is a password, I might be able to hack the terminal.”

 

“Really?” asked Gob, quirking a ruined eyebrow. 

 

“I think so. I was always really handy with tech.” Her small voice held a type of confidence Gob had never heard from her before.

 

“That's good to know. The terminal is in his office. How much time do you need? He's upstairs, sleeping. He'll be there for another hour or two at least.”

 

“That's more than enough time. Should only take a few minutes.” 

 

Her assurance made Gob feel better. Surely this wouldn't be any risk, and if it could help Kay find her father then it was definitely worth it. “Okay. I'll keep watch. Just try and be quick.”

 

\---

 

Just as Kay had predicted, hacking into the terminal had been quick and easy, taking less than five minutes. She was able to see from Moriarty’s notes that her dad was in the ruins of D.C, over at the Galaxy News Radio station, wherever that was. 

 

After finding the info on her dad, she knew it would be best to get out of there. She didn't want Gob to get in any trouble because of her. But, she lingered there as the ghoul’s words rung in her head.

 

_ Information is a commodity. _

 

If that was the case, maybe it wouldn't hurt to read through the rest of the notes. Gob did tell her Moriarty would be asleep for the next few hours, so there was no immediate danger.

 

\---

 

Gob tapped his foot nervously against the floor. The few minutes he'd spent waiting had felt more like a few hours. He was on edge, every little noise making him feel like he was about to jump out of his skin, what little of it was left anyway. 

 

He took a long pull from his cigarette, trying to calm himself down. But with each passing minute, he grew increasingly nervous. What was taking her so long? Maybe she couldn't hack into the terminal. Or maybe she did manage to hack into it, but there was no info on her dad, and she was in the back office feeling distraught. Maybe in her haste, she had accidentally broken it somehow. That last one was the worst. Moriarty’d probably kill both him and Kay if anything happened to that terminal.

 

For what felt like the hundredth time, Gob looked at the clock. Had it really only been eleven minutes? How was that possible? Maybe the clock was wrong. There was no way such a little amount of time had passed. 

 

He put out his spent cigarette, quickly lighting up another one. Taking a deep drag, he tried his best to calm down. He knew was being ridiculous and overly paranoid, but fifteen years of conditioning was hard to break. He had grown so accustomed to his sickening obedience towards Moriarty that breaking the rules this deliberately felt almost eerie. Yet here he was, risking literal life and limb for a girl he barely knew. He wasn't sure if he should feel elated at the reality of being able to help another person, or pathetic because he knew the only reason he was helping her was because she was the first person to touch him, to actually show him kindness in such a long time. 

 

He was leaning towards pathetic, and wondered if it had been someone opposite of her gender, would he have helped them?  _ Probably not. _

 

At the sound of floorboards creaking, Gob’s eyes shot up to the ceiling, and he listened intently.  _ Fuck! _

 

Those were definitely footsteps and they were heading down the stairs, far too quickly for Gob to warn Kay. Terror writhed its way through his body and a few drops of sweat rolled off his face. There was no doubt in his mind that Moriarty could kill him and Kay and get away with it. Or worse, kill Kay but leave him alive.

 

Luckily his fear was assuaged when instead of Moriarty, a tired looking Nova came into view.

 

“What’s wrong with you?” She questioned, seeing the distressed look on Gob’s face. 

 

“N-nothing!” He said, a little too defensively.

 

“If you say so.” Nova was too tired to press the issue any further. She walked behind the counter, grabbing a bottle of clean drinking water. “That Jericho is a real piece of work. I don't understand why he always has to spend the night. He has a house right here in town, for fuck’s sake. Why can't he be like all the other assholes who live here, and just leave when we're done?”

 

Gob shrugged. “He probably just wants to be near you is all. Maybe he likes you.”

 

“Yeah, he's been asking if we could meet up outside of the bar. It's pathetic, ain't it? He barely even knows me.”

 

The only response Gob could muster up was a nod of his head. Though, he didn't agree. Jericho had spent the last two years sleeping and conversing with Nova. Even if it was purely superficial, he still sort of knew her. Which was more than Gob could say about him and Kay. If Nova thought Jericho was pathetic, he could only imagine what she would think of him. He had only known Kay for a single day, not even twenty four hours, and already he was risking so much just to help her. 

 

After finishing her water, Nova put the empty container on the bar and walked back upstairs. Not soon after her departure, Kay emerged from the back office. Since she didn't look completely miserable, Gob assumed everything had went well.

 

“Sorry I took so long. The terminal was harder to hack than I thought it would be. I guess I shouldn't have been so cocky about my tech skills.” She felt bad lying, but didn't want to admit to Gob that the reason she took so long was because she was being nosy. 

 

“It's okay. Did you find what you were looking for?”

 

“I did,” said Kay, looking pleased with herself. “And, thank you so much for helping me. I don't think anyone else would have.”

 

Gob wanted to tell her that wasn't true, but he wasn't so sure. Kindness was a hard commodity to come by these days. “Any time, smoothskin. By the way, I know it's none of my business so feel free not to tell me… I was just wondering, how'd you come across all those caps in such a short amount of time?”

 

Kay smiled. “I promise, it's not as bad as whatever you're thinking. But, promise you won't tell anyone, okay?”

 

“Sure, kid. I won't tell anyone.” Gob couldn't keep the smile from spreading across his face. The fact that she was trusting him with a secret filled him with a type of warm euphoria. 

 

“Do you know a lady named Silver?”

 

Gob nodded. He remembered Silver, the mean and foul-mouthed prostitute Moriarty had hired as a counterpart to Nova. It was hard to forget someone who's favorite pastime seemed to be making fun of him. 

 

“Well, apparently she owed him money and he wanted me to get it back.”

 

“Did you have to kill her?”

 

“No, thank god. I was able to convince her to just hand it over. But I told her that if Moriarty asked, I would say I killed her. I think she just wants to be left alone.”

 

_ Yeah, left alone to smoke, snort, and shoot herself into oblivion,  _ Gob thought to himself.

 

“So please, please don't say anything.”

 

“Wouldn't dream of it, smoothskin.”

 

“Thanks. Anyways, I need to be going.” She looked around, noticing the other patrons had left. “Since it doesn't seem like you're busy, you feel like walking me home?”

 

Gob tried to hide how happy her request made him by quickly replacing his smile with a more neutral expression. “Sure.”

 

On the walk to her house, which was far too short, Kay talked a little about what it was like growing up in the vault, and how different this new world was. 

 

Once they arrived at her house, he noticed with great unease, that she lived right next to Jericho. He hoped the people she was staying with would at least keep watch over her. And he wondered who had taken her in so quickly. 

 

“So… you're staying with someone?”

 

She smiled. “No, actually this is my place.”

 

He was taken aback. How'd she manage to get her own house after being in Megaton less than a day? 

 

Seeing the confusion on his face, she answered his unasked question. “On my way back to town today, I ran into this guy named Simms. He was the same guy who told me to go to the saloon to look for my daddy. I ended up asking him a few questions about Megaton. One thing led to another and he asked me if I could defuse the bomb in the center of town.” 

 

“You actually know how to do stuff like that?”

 

“Yup.” She grinned proudly.”

 

“That's… impressive.”

 

“I know, right? Anyway, thanks again for helping me today. I really appreciate it.” 

 

She looked up at him, beautiful green eyes shining brightly, and he fought the overwhelming urge to kiss her right then and there, quickly looking away. He had to find a way to fix these misguided feelings. They were going to get him into trouble. 

 

“No problem. So, are you going to be staying here for a while?”

 

She shook her head sadly. “No. After I get some sleep, I'll be heading to the Galaxy News Radio station. That's where my daddy is.”

 

Her admission made Gob balk. “You're going to the GNR? By yourself?” he all but yelled at her. “That's super mutant territory!” Even though he hadn't left Megaton in over fifteen years, he would occasionally overhear travelers talking about the horrors of the D.C. ruins. And then there was three dog. When the radio was working, which was only a few weeks ago, he would mention at least once a day the super mutants that had set up base near the GNR. 

 

The tone of his voice made her flinch. “I know it's going to be dangerous, but it's something I have to do. I can't just stay here while the only family I have is out there somewhere. I need to find him! I promise, I'll come back.” Her voice held a determined edge, but Gob wasn't convinced. 

 

“There's all kinds of other dangers out there. Dangers that a fresh-out-of-the-vault smoothskin like yourself isn't prepared for. Raiders, ferals, slavers. How do you think I ended up here? I left my home in Underworld, which is very close to GNR by the way. I didn't even make it a mile before the slavers put a collar around my neck.”

 

“You're a slave?” Her voice was tinged with sadness.

 

“I wouldn't be here otherwise.”

 

“Why don't you escape?”

 

_ Because I'm a coward.  _ “Because it's far more dangerous out there than it is in here. Especially if you're going alone. And if you're going to travel the wastes, you need to be prepared to do some terrible things. Things you might not be able to do.”

 

“I've killed people before, if that's what you're getting at.”

 

That was something he wasn't expecting to hear. She seemed far too young, and far too sheltered to have committed murder. 

 

“When I escaped the vault, I had to kill two of the guards. I should have killed the Overseer too. I wanted to, and still do, but he's my best friend's father and I couldn't do that to her.” Her eyes held a faraway look, as if she was reliving all the trauma that happened at the vault.

 

“I'm sorry.” Gob felt horrible for making her talk about it, but at least now he knew that she wouldn't be as hopeless out there as he thought. Still, he worried. There were plenty of battle-hardened raiders that didn't make it out of the wastes alive. How could one lone wanderer, someone so young, fare better than them? “Is there any way I can convince you to stay?”

 

Kay shook her head. “I'm sorry, but I can't. Please, don't worry about me. I'll be okay. My daddy taught me how to use a gun.”

 

Gob wanted to grab hold of her, beg her not to undertake such a serious journey, but he knew it was pointless. She would go, no matter how much he advised against it.

 

“If I can't convince you to stay, then promise me you'll be careful.”

 

“I promise.” 

 

Unfortunately, her promise did nothing to ease his worry. If she was going to be traversing the wastes, the least he could do was offer her a few tips on survival. 

 

“Fine. But, at least let me offer you some advice. Make sure you keep anything worthwhile you find while you're out there. Guns, ammo, chems, anything you can carry that looks like it might be valuable. Even if it's something that you don't need, you'll be able to sell it. It's a good way to make some extra caps. Also, that pistol you have on you isn't going to be enough to take down a super mutant. You're going to need an assault rifle. But either way please, please avoid them at all costs. Sneak by them if you can, and only fight if it's necessary. Underworld is the closest settlement to where you're going. You'll be able to do some trading there, and they have a clinic.”

 

“That's where you're from, right?”

 

“Yeah. If you do happen to find yourself there, can you talk to a ghoul named Carol? She runs the inn. Can you tell her that I'm still alive?” He felt selfish for even asking, but it had been so long since he heard anything from the family he left behind.

 

“Yeah, no problem. So… is she like, your girlfriend?”

 

The absurdity of her question had Gob laughing. “No, she's my mom. It's been a long time since I've last seen her though.” 

 

“Oh, okay. I'll be sure to do that then if I'm in the area.” She smiled, tucking a few strands of red hair behind her ear. “Anyways, I should get going. I need to leave as early as possible.”

 

Before Gob could try once again to plead his case on why he thought her leaving was a bad idea, he felt small arms wrapping themselves around his stomach. She was so tiny compared to him, her head resting just below his chest. It made his body go rigid as he stared down at her crop of ginger hair, completely unsure of what to do. It had been more than a decade since someone had tried to hug him. 

 

Awkwardly, he placed one hand on the back of her head, while the other stayed at his side. Her hair, much like the rest of her was soft, and from this angle he could see the different shades of red in her vibrant hair. He could smell her too. A soft flowery scent leftover from whatever she had used to wash her hair back at the vault, combined with the dirt of the wasteland. It was intoxicating and everything about this situation was making his head swim.

 

Unfortunately, he couldn't fully enjoy the moment, trying to focus on something else to quell the lust that was growing inside him. This proved to be unsuccessful however, and he was forced to pull away, turning around in an attempt to hide his obvious erection. Thankfully, he was able to turn away before she noticed.

 

“Good night, smoothskin,” he said, as he started walking away back to the bar. 

 

Kay stood outside for a few minutes, watching him walk away. “Good night Gob,” she said, before walking into her house to get some much needed rest. 

 

\---

 

The walk back to the bar was a difficult one, and as soon as he was sure he was out of Kay's eyeline, he reached his hand down his pants, attempting to adjust himself, his boner being very obvious at that point. He knew, or at least hoped that his misguided affections towards her were only due to his decades long celibacy. If only there was a way to remedy to that. But unfortunately, no sane human wants to fuck a living corpse. He remembered when he had enough money saved up to proposition Nova. But of course, she had turned him down. And he really couldn't fault her for that. After all, no one wants a ghoul’s sloppy seconds. And not only would that effectively ruin her business if people found out, it would also ostracize her.

 

Either way, he needed some type of outlet for these feelings. And since Nova wasn't an option, he'd just have to take care of things himself. 

 

Maybe Kay being gone for a while would be a good thing. As much as he wanted her to stay in Megaton, he knew his feelings for her would only grow, and it would become increasingly difficult to hide them. Not to mention, her being there would only get him into trouble in the long run. However, he was far from relieved, and knew in the back of his mind that his feelings for her would remain no matter how long she was gone for. This girl, sweet, gorgeous, and naive, was the only person who had made him feel human in a long time. As much as he wanted to fight against these emotions, he knew it would only end in futility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will take place in Underworld! ...Maybe


	3. Fade to Black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could reeaally, reeeaaally use another beta reader if anyone is interested. The chick I normally use hasn't been around much of late and I really don't like posting these chapters unedited. Also, I'm so sorry this chapter took so long! Those pesky real life responsibilities keep getting in the way... or maybe it's just extreme laziness on my part. Either way, I'll try to write the next chapter quickly. I already have a couple pages written, so hopefully it won't take over a month this time.
> 
> Lastly, a big thank you to user Aster! Reading your comment today seemed to have gotten rid of my laziness and I was able to finish this chapter. So thank you for such a nice, lovely comment.

 

_ Why? _

 

Why was she so fucking gullible? There were so many situations that she should have learned from- the incident at the vault, almost being extorted by Moriarty, watching the citizens of Megaton treat Gob as less than human because of his appearance. 

 

If she was paying close attention, she would have realized the singular truth that every other wastelander most likely already knew. Most people (or maybe all) are inherently selfish and self serving in nature. And it made perfect sense out in the wastes where merely existing was a difficult task.

 

But instead of paying attention and using those experiences to guide her, she had been easily swayed into doing someone else’s bidding.

 

Deep down she knew this was a bad idea. During her conversation with Three Dog, there was a tiny part of her subconscious nagging at her, telling her not to do it. But he  had been so charming, so friendly, so damn convincing. And how else was she going to find her father? Thinking back on their conversation, she knew she had gone into this way too easily. She should have begged, or cried. She should have tried harder to appeal to his sense of empathy. 

 

For all his rhetoric about fighting the good fight and giving the people of the wasteland a voice, and even though Kay had trusted him at first, she was starting to really hate him. It didn't matter to her that in his eyes, his intentions were nobel. At the end of the day, Three Dog’s request was nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt at blackmail, even if he didn't see it that way. He knew how desperate she was to find her father, and he used that desperation against her.

 

He had roped her into thinking that she would be able to take on an entire super mutant base all by herself. He did say it would be difficult, but nothing that she couldn't handle. It wasn't until she was in the museum getting beaten to a bloody mess that she realized just how gullible she had been. 

 

She needed to stop being so naive. 

 

Kay felt like she was going crazy. It was insane to think that she would be able to do this alone. Maybe her first encounter with the super mutants over at the GNR had given her a false sense of security. At the time, she had the Brotherhood of Steel fighting alongside her. And even though they were outnumbered, they were able to take out the muties with little resistance and only one casualty. Looking back on it, she wondered if her being there had even made a difference. Probably not, if her second encounter was anything to go by.

 

Everything was hazy. Kay’s vision kept blurring in and out of focus, accompanied by the worst headache and nausea of her entire life. It was most likely a concussion from her head smacking against the wall earlier. Either that or she was succumbing to radiation poisoning. _Or_ _maybe both,_ she thought as she dismally limped through the D.C ruins. No, that was unlikely. She had a vague recollection of taking some radaway not too long ago. However, her short term memory was so fried that she couldn't remember if it was an hour ago, or a day ago.

 

Kay winced at the pain in her shoulder and tried shifting her heavy backpack, instantly regretting it as it only served to cause her more pain. Even with the med-x coursing through her, her whole body felt like it was on fire. The Museum of Technology had been a complete disaster. Kay had barely lasted ten minutes before being forced to make a hasty retreat. 

 

_ Gob was right,  _ she thought bitterly. She had not been at all prepared for this trip. Not physically, not even mentally. She should have listened to him and stayed in Megaton a little longer. She could have trained, gotten better at using a gun, could have built up her strength. Maybe she even could have found someone to come with her. But no. She had to be headstrong and foolish, letting her emotions rule over her. 

 

At least this would serve as a life lesson, if she actually managed to live through this. The injuries she had sustained were quite severe. Aside from the head trauma, the worst of her injuries included a few broken fingers on her dominant hand, heavy bleeding from her left leg, and a sharp pain in her chest. There were probably other things wrong with her, but she didn't have the time to take stock of her other injuries, nor did she have the meds to heal them. 

 

“Fuck!” Kay shouted, as she stumbled over a rock, falling onto her knees. She felt tears prickling the back of her eyes. It wasn't just the pain that made her want to cry. It was also the realization that she had failed. She was trying her best not to think about it, at least until she found shelter. After all, this was not the best time to have a mental breakdown. But the grief brought on by her failure was consuming her. All she had to do was find the relay dish. It seemed so simple at the time. Find the dish, kill a few muties, and head back to the GNR before the sun set. Why the hell did she think it would be that easy? 

 

Kay was starting to dislike this new world more and more. Everyone seemed so selfish, so unwilling to help. Why couldn't Three Dog just tell her where her father was? He had the Brotherhood at his disposal. Why couldn't he send one of them to get the relay dish? He knew she was fresh out of the vault and inexperienced with this world. What made him think someone like her could handle this? It definitely wasn't her appearance. At 4’8 and a hundred pounds soaking wet, she was about as intimidating as an angry cat, maybe less so. He had to have known this would be a suicide mission. Did people really care that little for their fellow human that there was no one in this world who wanted to help her out of the goodness of their heart? Was everyone so selfish?

 

_ No, not everyone.  _ Maybe it was the loneliness of the wastes, or the pain and approaching delirium, but she really missed Gob. He had been so sweet and kind, helping her and asking for nothing in return. Kay’s thoughts drifted back to their hug. She had felt so safe and warm in his arms. If he hadn't of pulled away so quickly, she would have been content to stay there all night. She felt as though she had experienced a real connection with him. The thought had her feeling a bit ridiculous. For all intents and purposes, he was a stranger to her. These feelings were most likely a result of all the shock she had gone through the past couple days. Despite her best efforts to try and rationalize her feelings, she was becoming increasingly emotional. 

 

A stray tear rolled down her cheek, but she quickly shook it off. Now was not the time for all this contemplation. Without food, water, stimpacks, or the ability to hold a gun with her dominant hand, she was in a very vulnerable and dangerous position. In her current state, one feral ghoul, or a lone raider would be able to take her out fairly easily. At least Three Dog had been “nice" enough to mark a nearby settlement on her map in case she needed supplies, which was where she was heading to now. Hopefully they had a decent doctor. 

 

Kay reached into her pocket, pulling out a buffout and popping it into her mouth, swallowing it dry. She knew that taking more chems on top of the med-x probably wasn't the best idea, and maybe she should ditch some of the loot that was in her heavy backpack. However, she was in desperate need of supplies and was hoping to be able to sell some of her scavenged goods once she got to the Museum of History. 

 

The pill kicked in surprisingly fast and after a few minutes she was able to stand back up. Unfortunately, the med-x she had taken earlier was starting to wear off. Every intake of breath hurt, her head was pounding, her leg and hand throbbed with pain, and her stomach was lurching. It all culminated in a sick symphony of agony and she wondered how she had made it this far. Never in her life had she felt pain this intense. 

 

Kay dropped her pack to the ground, looking inside briefly, before pulling out her last dose of med-x. With a shaking hand, she injected it into her upper arm, biting her lip and trying not to cry out from the stinging sensation of the medicine being pushed into her skin. It was able to take away some of the pain, but not all of it. Even so, it was starting to make her feel drowsy. As she slung her pack back over her shoulder, her legs started to shake. It was possible the depressant qualities of the med-x were partially canceling out the stimulant effects of the buffout. She popped another pill into her mouth. That last one seemed to even things out and she was able to continue her limping at a brisker pace than before. 

 

However, her heartbeat was starting to become erratic and her vision was blurring more frequently. Moreover, her extremities were becoming numb. She looked down at her injured leg, noticing she had completely bled through the dressing. And things would only get worse from there.

 

Every couple of minutes, things would go black and she'd find herself walking in the opposite direction, or sprawled out on the ground, her face and hair covered in vomit. Thanks to these mini blackouts, what should have been a ten minute walk took almost an entire hour. By the time she finally found herself a few feet away from the Museum of History, she was approaching full blown delirium. 

 

With the setting sun and her vision teetering in and out of focus, it was becoming increasingly difficult to see. But she could just make out the distinct outline of four people near the entrance. Or was it two? She couldn't tell.

 

“Hey!” Kay called out. Her voice was slurred and she could barely hear herself talk over the loud thrumming of her heartbeat. Nevertheless, it was enough to catch their attention. She really hoped they weren't hostile or she would be well and truly fucked. 

 

As the figures approached her, she heard what sounded like a loud cracking noise, followed by a horrendous pain on the right side of her face. The scent of blood was everywhere as it dripped into her nose and mouth, stinging her eye in the process.

 

A strangled, joyless laugh emanated from her throat as she came to the grim conclusion, _I'm going to die_ _here._

 

The last image that flashed through her mind was of her father, before everything went dark. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know that this chapter might have been kind of disappointing to some. I'm so sorry it was so short!! And there was no Gob or Charon. It was supposed to be like, 5 times as long, but when I got to that last bit I thought it would be a good place to end it. Also, I know it may seem a bit disjointed, but I wrote it after being stone cold sober for the first time in like, a couple months. Now that I'm used to this feeling, I can promise the next chapter will be better, and definitely much longer!
> 
> Also, if you like this fic, you should check out Crazy He Calls Me by Magnificent. It was her amazing fic that inspired this one.


	4. Coma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like this story, please check out Crazy He Calls Me by Magnificent. It was her amazing fic that inspired this one. Even if you don't like my version, hers is still worth reading!

“I told you, you should have stayed in Megaton, smoothskin.” Kay recognized the voice right away.

“Gob?!” She looked around the room, head turning wildly. It must have been late into the night, because everything was pitch black.

Gob didn't answer, but for reasons that she couldn't explain, she felt his presence in the room. 

“This is crazy! How are you here? And where am I?” She asked, trying again to look around and get her bearings. Everything seemed off. Her eyes weren't adjusting to the dark. The thought that came next terrified her to the point where she felt dizzy.

“Am… am I blind?” Maybe all the head trauma had caused irreversible damage. 

No answer. 

“Gob? Why won't you talk to me?!” she yelled.  
Again there was no answer. 

“Please, just talk to me! I'm sorry I left Megaton. I should have listened to you. You're upset with me, right?”

“He's not upset with you, but I am.” 

The familiar voice made her blood run cold. There was no way… it was impossible. How could he have found her? 

“Daddy?” Her voice came out quiet and strained as she tried desperately to hold back all of the emotions that were flooding through her. Again, she looked around the room but saw only blackness. “How? How are you here? I've been looking for you!”

“Yes, I'm aware. And honestly, how could you have been so stupid?” Her father's voice seethed with an anger that was unfamiliar to her. “You were supposed to stay in the vault.”

“I couldn't! The overseer was going to have me killed! And how could you just leave without telling me?! You're the only family I have and you just abandoned me!” Finally saying those words out loud pushed Kay over the edge and she began crying hysterically, her loud sobs echoing throughout the room. Furiously, she began wiping away the tears with her palm and the back of her hand.

James appeared to not be at all affected by his daughter's outburst, responding with the same casualness one would use when talking about the weather. “Yeah, I suppose I did. But you try being a single parent to some snot nosed kid. It's exhausting. Plus, you're old enough to take care of yourself now. There's plenty of kids in the wasteland years younger than you that exist on their own, without the help of parents. You might not have the same survival instinct as them, but you'll be fine... Or, you'll die.”

For a few seconds his statement had shocked her into silence, and she sat there, digesting his words. This couldn't be happening. Had it all been a lie? Had he been faking familial love and affection her entire life? Or had he grown to eventually hate her and she was just too dumb to realize it? That would explain why he just up and left with no word or warning. As she scrambled to try and put her thoughts into words, she heard footsteps. Her dad was walking away. 

“Wait!” she screamed. “Daddy, please don't go! Please don't leave me again!” 

But it was too late. Just like that, he was gone. His presence was no longer felt by her and all she could think to do was cry. Somewhere in the back of her mind she had been scared that this might be a possibility, that her dad had left simply because he didn't care about her. Her whole body shook from her violent sobbing, and she beat her fists into her legs, before tearing at her hair. He was gone. 

Gob grabbed her wrists, placing her hands at her sides to prevent her from further hurting herself.

“What the fuck is going on?” she managed to choke out in between sobs. 

Instead of answering her question, Gob placed a hand forehead. The familiar grooves and texture of the cadaver like skin helped to bring her a modicum of comfort. “Shhh. It's okay smoothskin. Things will be okay.”

 

-

Doctor Barrows sat observing his newest patient, as Nurse Graves checked her blood pressure. 

He was feeling at odds with himself. On one hand, he viewed this as a good thing. His research called for fresh non ghoul samples, which was something in short supply. Not a lot of smoothskins made it to Underworld, aside from the occasional group of raiders or slavers, but even that was a rarity.

On the other hand, he couldn't help but feel bad for the girl. Judging by the vault suit he had taken off of her, she was most likely lacking in combat experience, and had probably lived a sheltered life for the most part. She looked too frail and far too young to be traveling the wastes alone, especially when compared to his other patient, Riley. The blonde haired ranger was strong and looked as though she was born to fight, kill, and survive. Yet here she lay, comatose and unable to take care of herself. If someone like Riley could get injured like this, then it was only a matter of time before this mysterious vault dweller ended up a smear of blood and entrails on the concrete. Maybe keeping her in a perpetual coma would be a mercy. 

After Nurse Graves was finished checking her blood pressure, she made her way to the terminal to chart the vault dweller’s progress. 

“It looks like Vaulties doing better,” said Graves. They had taken to calling her that for lack of a better name. “Do you think she'll be able to wake up soon?”

Doctor Barrows shrugged in response. Her condition had greatly improved in the four days she had been in his care. And once he took her off the sedatives, she would likely wake up on her own. However, she wouldn't be able to go back into the wasteland yet and would have to remain in Underworld for at least a week or two if she wanted to fully recover. It would probably be better to just keep her sleeping. If she ignored his advice and left Underworld before being fully healed, it would undermine all the work he had done to keep her alive.

Despite that, he had to admit to himself that undermining his work was not the main reason he didn't want her to wake up. There were still tests he wanted to run, and he needed more blood and tissue samples. Yesterday had been productive. He had been able to perform a skin and bone marrow biopsy, which had been a great help to his research. Unfortunately, he hadn't been able to get a decent blood sample, not wanting to risk it after she had previously lost so much blood.

This conflicted feeling had Barrows thinking about his pre war ethics. It made him feel guilty, although he tried to shake it off. Patient consent had become a thing of the past after the bombs had fallen. And his work was of the utmost importance. As far as he knew, he was the only one researching necrotic post humans this fervently. And he had made great strides in his field of research, discovering that ghouls were more likely to turn feral when antisocial and isolated, leading him to believe that depression played a big role in when a ghoul would turn feral. Still though, he couldn't shake the feeling that it was wrong to run tests on a patient who didn't have the ability to consent.

A faint whimper had snapped Barrows out of his musings and he looked down at his patient. 

“Interesting…” he mumbled, more to himself than anything. 

“What is?” Nurse Graves asked, somewhat disinterestedly as she typed away at the terminal.

“She appears to be crying in her sleep.”

The nurse stopped her typing, getting up to see for herself. Sure enough, she saw a few fresh tears leaking from the eyes of their newest patient. “Do you think she might be having a nightmare?”

“That's a possibility. Or, she could just be in pain.”

“Can we give her something to help?”

The doctor made a tsk sound. “Unfortunately she's already reached her limit for med-x. Any more and she could go into respiratory failure. I'll be able to give her another dose in about six hours.”

With a sympathetic gaze, Nurse Graves looked down at her crying patient who’s subtle twitching and whimpering indicated that she was most definitely having a nightmare. In an attempt to pacify her, she placed a hand on the vaultie’s forehead. “Shhh. It's okay smoothskin. Things will be okay,” she said, trying her best to sound comforting. Unfortunately, it had little affect. 

As Nurse Graves was about to return to her work at the terminal, the vault dweller’s body stiffened and she started shaking uncontrollably. 

“Damn, she's seizing.”

“It's fine,” Dr. Barrows responded calmly. “This is to be expected with brain injuries. Just turn her on her side and hold her down so she doesn't fall off the bed. She should be fine in a few minutes.”

While this wasn't her first seizure, it was definitely the most violent. And after a full eight minutes, she was still seizing uncontrollably. 

Barrows sighed in annoyance as he walked over to his med kit that hung on the wall. He had already used a great deal of resources on this patient. The stimpacks and med-x weren't too difficult to manufacture and weren't all that expensive, but the calmex he was about to use was different story. It was a prewar drug and like any benzo, it was difficult to come by, and just as difficult to manufacture. Then again, he had used her for his research, performing procedures without her permission. He supposed this was a small price to pay after she had unknowingly aided in his research efforts. 

“Hold her down tightly. I only have this in IV form, and I don't want to miss.”

Nurse Graves obliged, holding down her patient as tightly as possible.

After getting the tourniquet in place, Barrows proceeded to tap on her arm, trying to find a decent vein. It would have been much easier had an I.V. bag been available, but unfortunately they were waiting on a new shipment. 

His patient’s arm was already bruised from previous injections, however it didn't take him long to find a vein and he was able to inject the medicine without any problems.

As the calmex worked its way through her system, her body stilled and became visibly less tense. Nurse Graves breathed a sigh of relief. It had been a while since they had a patient who was this much trouble. 

Compared to the vault dweller, Riley hadn't been that difficult to deal with. When she had first been brought into the clinic with a head wound and a mangled leg, treating her had only required some stitching, a couple stimpacks, and a few doses of med-x. Afterwards, she just laid there unconscious and unmoving for the most part. Aside from switching out her feeding tube and keeping her clean, there wasn't a lot to be done.

-

“So, do you think she'll pull through?”

Willow shrugged. “Who knows. She was pretty messed up when we found her. Damned tourist… I mean honestly, what was a kid like her doing out in the wastes?” She said, nursing a beer that tasted more watered down than usual. 

“She could be from a settlement that got taken over by raiders.”

“Nah, the kid was wearing a vault suit. Which is even worse by the way. Someone like that has no business being alone in this part of DC.”

“Maybe she'll stay here.”

“Doubtful. As soon as she wakes up, if she wakes up, I'm sure she'll take one look around and run away screaming. You know how humans are. You've had to deal with them more than anyone else here.”

Quinn swirled his scotch in his hands thoughtfully. “You know not all humans are like that.” 

“Yeah, I guess. I just hope she wakes up. It'd be a waste of all that ammo I had to use if she dies.”

Though she tried to sound nonchalant, Quinn picked up on the subtle hints of anxiety in her voice. He had known Willow for a long time, and though she tried to hide it, underneath her tough demeanor she was quite the tenderhearted individual. In a world where strength and survivability were highly valued, it wasn't always a good idea to act excessively altruistic. If you had the reputation of a do gooder, people would try to take advantage of you. Not that Willow was one who would let herself be taken advantage of. But, as the self-appointed sentry to the museum entrance, she was the first line of defense in guarding Underworld. It wouldn't do to have her reputation sullied by something like blatant selflessness and a bleeding heart mentality.

Quinn patted her shoulder reassuringly. “I'm sure she'll be fine. Either way, at least you gave her a chance. If you and Greta hadn't been there, then she would no doubt be dead.”

-

Charon leaned idly against the wall in his usual spot at the Ninth Circle, watching and listening as always. And as always, it was mostly boring. A few days ago something had happened to break up the usual monotony. Some young smoothskin, a vault dweller, had been found outside the museum entrance, bleeding out, close to death, and being shot at by super mutants. She was now residing in the Chop Shop under the care of Doctor Barrows. 

It was all anyone was talking about. At first, overhearing their conversations had been slightly entertaining. By day two it had gone back to being monotonous. And now on day three it was becoming irritating. Didn't these people have anything better to talk about? It had been the same thing when what's-her-name had been brought in a few weeks back. She had been the talk of Underworld for about a week, and then everyone went back to not giving a shit. 

Not that Charon was one to care about such nonsense. No, that was something he had learned to stop doing long ago. His was a life of apathy. He needed it to be that way. Emotions of any kind only lead to suffering. 

However, there was something about Quinn and Willow’s conversation that was deeply irritating. It was the idiocy of their hopefulness.

Everyone knew about Doctor Barrows’s research. It was a well known secret that his experiments required tissue samples from living non-ghoulified subjects. He was a brilliant doctor, and Charon figured that if he wanted to wake up either one of his patients once they were fully healed, he could easily do so. They were likely being kept under sedation. So unless they woke up naturally, it wasn't going to happen. 

Why didn't anyone else suspect it? Perhaps it was just a willful ignorance. Underworld wouldn't be able to function without a doctor, so even if others were thinking the same as Charon, they wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Not that most of them would want to. Some of the ghouls here were okay with their lot in life. They had accepted it. However, there were plenty who felt the fate of being resigned to their rotting bodies was a hellish nightmare, one that they would do just about anything to escape from. And if that ‘anything’ included leaving a doctor to do his research in peace, then that wasn't so bad.

Not that Charon put much stock into the idea of a cure. Everyone else could be blindly optimistic if that was what they wanted. But Charon was a realist. And the reality was that the reversal of ghoulification would be nothing short of a miracle. And miracles had no place here. Besides, looking like a monster had its benefits at times.

-

Later that night, Willow laid in bed, unable to sleep. Not that she needed much sleep being a ghoul, but every couple of days she liked to get a full night's rest. Even though she didn't do it much, sleep was one of her favorite pastimes. She was an avid dreamer, and for the most part her dreams were quite nice. She wasn't plagued by nightmares like most of the people she knew. 

Sometimes she would dream of happy memories about her childhood that had long been forgotten. They were usually of ordinary things- her dad teaching her how to set her first molerat trap when she was a little girl, playing with her friends in the small farming settlement they lived in, that time she had snuck out of her parent’s house to meet up with a boy she liked. 

Occasionally there were some more exciting dreams, like her first encounter with raiders, or that time she killed a deathclaw. And sometimes they were completely nonsensical, as dreams tended to be.

Tonight however, sleep eluded her. It had been four days since she and Greta had saved that kid from super mutants, and the whole experience had her feeling a bit uneasy. She had known about the super mutants outside of Underworld for a while, but because they didn't go out of their way to attack ghouls, she hadn't bothered to do anything about it. They made for a useful defence against slavers and raiders. But now her decision of non-interference was weighing on her. Maybe if she had gotten rid of them, the kid wouldn't have needed rescuing. Or at the very least, she wouldn't be in such bad shape. It had Willow feeling responsible for what had happened. 

She wished that in moments like these, she could be more like Greta. For Greta, the whole ordeal felt more like a hindrance than anything else. She had spent the past few days complaining about not being able to get the blood stains out of her dress, and she certainly wouldn't be losing any sleep over it. It didn't make her a bad person though. Greta was just smart enough not to get overly invested in these types of situations. And she didn't bother dwelling on things she could not change. But, Willow was not like Greta. Though she tried to deny it, tried to hide it behind a wall of superficial indifference, she was more sensitive, and more caring than the average person. 

After some deliberation, Willow decided that maybe visiting the Chop Shop would help assuage some of her guilt. It was late, a little past three in the morning, but she knew Dr. Barrows would likely be up. The man almost never slept. 

-

Willow entered the Chop Shop quietly, walking through the double doors furthest from the terminal. Nurse Graves was sound asleep in the queen sized bed, snoring peacefully. But Dr. Barrows was indeed awake, typing away at his terminal and muttering something Willow couldn't quite make out. He was so engrossed in his work, that he didn't seem to hear her, even when she walked up right behind him. 

She cleared her throat to get his attention, the noise making him jump slightly before he turned around.

“You shouldn't sneak up on people like that,” he said, in mock exasperation. 

Willow laughed softly. “It's not my fault you're so easily startled. Whatcha working on?”

“The usual. Trying to figure out what doomed us to this rotting form.”

“How's that going?”

“Slowly.”

Willow didn't press the issue any further. The doctor could be somewhat cagey when it came to talking about his research. 

“So, can I assume you came here to check on my newest patient?” said Doctor Barrows, gesturing towards the comatose vaultie. 

Willow shifted uncomfortably. “Actually, I came here to buy a few stims.”

Barrows gave her a look that suggested he didn't believe her. If Willow noticed the look of disbelief, she didn't say anything about it. 

“But while I'm here, how is she doing?”

“She's in a coma, but stable for the most part. And most of her injuries have healed.”

“So she'll be able to wake up soon?” It was difficult to keep the hopefulness out of her voice. 

“I don't know. She's gone through significant brain trauma. It's possible she won't be the same when she wakes up. Could wake up to be blind, deaf, who knows,” he said casually, realizing too late the distressed look on Willow’s face. “But she'll probably be fine,” he added hastily. 

“It's my fault, isn't it? If I had gotten rid of those super mutants sooner-" 

“Come on Willow, don't start blaming yourself. Because of you, she's alive.”

The ghoulette sighed. “I guess. But still, I can't help but feel bad. She looks so young. I'm sure somewhere out there she has a family who misses her. A mom, a dad, maybe even siblings, who have no idea she's hurt. They're probably waiting for her to come home, wondering what happened.”

Barrows placed a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. “Listen, what's done is done. You did your best, and as a result she's alive. If you and Greta hadn't of been there, she'd be dead right now. That's an indisputable fact. There's no point in dwelling on it. So please, try not to worry so much.”

“I… I suppose you're right. Thank you.”

“Of course. Now, go get some sleep. You look tired.”

Willow nodded and thanked the doctor again. Before taking her leave, she told him she would come back tomorrow to check up on the vaultie, her lie of stopping by for stimpacks forgotten.

Hours after she left, Doctor Barrows couldn't seem to focus. His conversation with Willow kept replaying in his mind. 

I'm sure somewhere out there she has a family who misses her.

Guilt was starting to become a burden. Maybe waking her up would be the best thing to do. There was a chance that she would be left with some serious ailments upon waking. However, keeping her in a coma was just prolonging the inevitable. He decided that tomorrow he would take her off the sedatives.

-

Things seemed off. Not just because Kay was witnessing a moment that happened in her past, looking straight at her ten year old self. And definitely not because they were in the wastes instead of the vault. Those things felt unquestionably normal. 

What felt off, aside from the hazy edges the world seemed to have developed, was that she couldn't look at her hands no matter how hard she tried. And when she looked down, there was only dirt where her feet should have been. 

Instead of trying to puzzle out the mystery of what happened to her body, she decided to watch the scene that was unfolding in front of her.

Kay remembered this day. She had just turned ten. Her dad stood in front of her, looking proud and handing her a brand new... combat shotgun?

“You can use this to kill those raiders and all the other dregs of the wasteland. It has a bit of a kick, so make sure you hold it steady so as to not miss.”

The child version of Kay gushed her thanks towards her father before taking the new gun in her hands. It was heavy, but hopefully the weight would serve to make her stronger.

“Ah, here comes one of those pesky raiders now.”

The raider, who seemingly materialised out of nowhere, sank to his knees in surrender. He certainly looked the part of a typical raider with his mohawk, dinged up armor, and ragged clothing. Everything about him from his scars, to the look in his eyes, to the blood sprayed across his face like war paint- all screamed ‘cold blooded killer.’ Yet for some reason instead of fighting, he was begging for his life.

“Now, just aim and pull the trigger.”

“But daddy, he doesn't have a gun. I don't think he wants to fight.”

Her dad just shook his head, a knowing smile on his lips. “Kay, you are so young. There's still so much you need to learn.”

James gestured around him to the barren wasteland with the hazy edges. “This is the world we live in. It's unyielding and cruel. If you want to survive, you need to mimic it. Your enemies don't care if you're unarmed, they'll gun you down without a second thought and loot your corpse afterwards. Do you want to die?”

“Nope.”

With her hands shaking from the weight of the gun, little Kay lined up the shot. A sense of calm detachment settled over her before she squeezed the trigger. The raider’s head practically exploded in a grim display of blood and bits of brain tissue. Some of it managed to get on her vault suit, but it didn't seem to bother her. Instead she flashed a proud smile, reacting how a normal ten year old would react upon getting an A on their report card. 

While little Kay seemed pleased with herself, the other Kay was starting to feel uneasy. She felt as though there was something important that she was supposed to be doing, but couldn't figure out what it was. Maybe her father would know. He always seemed to know everything. She opened her mouth to call out to him, but no words came out. 

James appeared to be congratulating little Kay on her first kill, but no sound was coming from him either. Everything had gone deathly silent. 

When did that happen? 

Before Kay could make another attempt to speak to her father, the world around her started to fade and crumble. Once again, she was left alone in a sea of black. 

Her limbs twitched as she slowly opened her eyes. Everything was too bright. For a brief second it reminded her of the day she first left the vault. However, upon her eyes adjusting to the light, she realized that the room she was in was dimly lit. She could just barely make out the features of the ghoul standing next to her bed.

“Gob?” Her voice was quiet from disuse, and her throat felt dry and scratchy.

“No, sorry,” said Doctor Barrows, before handing her a cup of water. 

Kay sat up slowly, trying to ignore the dizzying sensation that came with moving. She mumbled her thanks, taking the cup and draining the liquid in a matter of seconds, before handing it back to the unfamiliar ghoul. 

Her limbs felt heavy, and her brain felt like it was in a fog. Kay looked around, taking in her surroundings. Directly across from her bed was a dead feral ghoul laying on a table. The smell of its rotting corpse was twisting her stomach in knots and the sight of it was more than just a bit unsettling. She was able to discern from the x-rays scattered across the dim glow of the illuminator, that she was in some type of medical facility. However, she couldn't remember how she had gotten here. 

What the hell happened? She thought back, trying to recall the events that had lead her to this point. She remembered the very one sided fight in the Museum of Technology that had left her a limping, broken mess. She remembered walking for what felt like an eternity, trying to find the Museum of History. That must have been where she was at now. 

Before she could ask the doctor for confirmation, a dull thud made her look over her shoulder. 

“What the fuck?!” she yelled, practically falling out of bed when she saw not one, but two feral glowing ones looming behind the screen, a mere couple of footsteps away from her. Panicked, she went to reach for her 10mm she kept at her hip, only to discover it wasn't there, and neither was her holster. Her vault suit and leather jacket were gone too, replaced with a gray cotton t-shirt that was at least two sizes too big.

“Don't worry, they can't hurt you. They're locked in there,” said Doctor Barrows. Maybe he should have put a curtain over the window before waking her up. He was so used to the ferals, that at times he forgot they were even there if they were being quiet enough. He didn't think about how she might react to seeing them. She was still recovering, and the last thing he wanted was for her to get worked up.

Kay turned back around, looking at the pane of glass and metal that sat between her and the ferals. It looked secure enough, and judging by the doctor's calm demeanor, she wasn't in any danger. 

Her sudden, jerky movements caused her to feel a slight twinge of pain between her legs. She looked under the covers that hung around her thighs and noticed the tubing that weaved its way down her legs. A catheter? Great, just great…

Feeling exasperated, Kay placed her head in her hands. She felt what she could only assume was a feeding tube, coming out of her nose and taped to her cheek. This was a disaster. 

“Where am I?”

“The Chop Shop.” Upon seeing the distressed look on her face, he hastily added, “don't worry, you're safe here. Best medical care Underworld has to offer.”

“This is Underworld?” she questioned, looking around. “I thought I was in the Museum of History.” When Three Dog had marked this place on her map, he had neglected to tell her anything about it other than the fact that she could go there to buy supplies.

“You are. Underworld is part of the museum.”

At least everything hadn't gone completely downhill. It would be interesting to get to see Gob’s hometown before she made her way back to Megaton. 

That's right, Gob was here! For a second, she was excited at the prospect of getting to see him, before remembering it was a dream. She sighed, turning her attention back to the doctor. 

“How long have I been here? And where's my gun? And my clothes? And my backpack?” The words spilled out of her, each question making her more anxious as she remembered all the loot she had painstakingly gathered and carried across the wasteland. 

Five days. And don't worry, all of your possessions are safe,” he reassured her. “You'll get them back as soon as you're discharged. Now, try not to move too much. I just need to do a quick evaluation to make sure you've healed properly. Is that okay?”

Kay agreed, nodding her head silently.

The doctor proceeded to test her reflexes, vision, and hearing. Afterwards, he asked her a few questions, testing her memory.

“Do you remember your name?”

“It's Kay.”

“Kay? Hm. Nice name. We've been calling you Vaultie. I'm Doctor Barrows by the way. Do you know what year it is?”

“2277.”

“Do you remember where you live?”

“Megaton.”

“You're not from a vault?"

Kay sighed. “I grew up in Vault 101. I live in Megaton now.”

“Do you remember what happened before you got here?”

“Sort of. It's all a little blurry. I was at the Museum of Technology, but then I got overrun by mutants. When I escaped, I came here. After that, I remember hearing a loud bang. I think it was a gunshot.”

"You were shot in the head,” he said matter of factly. “You're lucky to be alive. The bullet only grazed the right side of your head. A couple centimeters to the left, and you'd most likely be dead. We had to shave some of your hair off to better see the extent of the damage.”

Kay reached up to touch her head, and sure enough felt the outline of a long scar where her hair used to be. She sighed dejectedly, wondering if her hair would ever grow back there, or if she was forever destined to have a bald spot. She parted her hair a bit, trying to cover up the area that was shaved, before putting it in a ponytail. 

“What on Earth were you doing out there all by yourself?” The disapproving tone was evident in his voice. 

Kay flinched at his harsh tone. “It's a long story,” she said vaguely, not wanting to go into all the details. 

“I've got time, but if you don't want to tell me, I understand.”

“Thanks. And, I appreciate all your help, but I really have to get going.”

“Where? Back out into the wastes?”

“I want to go home.”

“Listen kid, leaving now is a stupid idea. That head injury was serious. You were out for five days, during which you had multiple seizures. If that happens while you're out there in a fight, you're as good as dead. You also lost a lot of blood. A transfusion would have been ideal, but the only other human here doesn't match your blood type, so you're just going to have to wait it out while your body replaces the blood it lost.”

Kay groaned, but knew he was right. She felt like shit and knew that leaving now could potentially be a death sentence. Having spent a bit of time training to become a doctor, she already knew the answer to the question she was about to ask, but decided to ask anyway, “how long?”

“At least two weeks. You can sleep here if you want. I'll waive the fee.” 

“Fine,” she agreed reluctantly. “And thanks… for everything,” she added, not wanting to seem ungrateful. “I know I'd be dead if it wasn't for you.”

The doctor shrugged. “It's my job. Besides, Willow and Greta are the ones that found you and brought you in. You should thank them when you get a chance. Willows been here twice already to visit you.”

“Where can I find them?”

“Greta works at Carol’s place on the second floor. Willow is usually outside guarding the entrance. But, I don't recommend you going out there in your condition. She takes her breaks at the Ninth Circle or Carol’s place, usually in the evening. If you can't find her there, try checking out Underworld Outfitters. It's the only weapons shop in Underworld, so it's a good place to go if you need to do some trading.” 

“Noted, thanks.” Kay reached under the covers, pulling out her catheter, wincing as she did so. She went to reach for the feeding tube lodged in her nose, but Barrows caught her hand before she managed to pull it out. 

“I can do that you know. I am a licensed doctor.” 

“Me too… sort of.”

“Sort of?” 

“I was training to become a doctor before I left the vault.”

“Have you ever removed a feeding tube before? It can be kind of uncomfortable.”

“Well no, but-"

“Then just let me do it,” he said, before gently removing the tube. 

She felt a slight stinging sensation and coughed as it was being pulled out, but it was over fairly quickly at least.

“So, how much do I owe you?” she asked, dreading the answer. 

Doctor Barrows walked over to the terminal. After putting in the password, he pulled up her file. “1,506 caps.”

“Fuck.” Kay buried her face in her hands. She knew before asking that it was going to cost a lot more than she had, but hearing the number out loud was still overwhelming. “And I'm guessing I won't be allowed to leave until it's paid off?”

The offended look that Barrows gave her after her accusation was enough to let her know that she had assumed wrong. 

“What kind of person do you think I am? I'm not going to hold you here against your will. I do expect you to pay your bill. However, I'm not going to ask you to hand over everything you have.”

“Well, thanks. Not that I have much to hand over anyway. But I'll give you what I can.”

An idea came to mind. “How bout this, you pay me 406 in caps, and maybe we can work out the rest in trade.”

“What kind of trade?”

“I've been doing research, trying to figure out a way to stop and maybe even reverse the ghoulification process. To do this, I need fresh human samples.”

“When you say ‘fresh human samples’, what exactly do you mean?” Kay asked hesitantly, not liking where this conversation was going. 

“I need samples of human skin, organs, and other parts to make the experiment valid. If you're going to be out in the wastes killing raiders either way, then you might as well harvest some of their organs for me.”

Kay didn't know how to respond. She had been out of the vault less than two weeks, and so far she had been able to avoid killing humans. The tunnels that she took to reach the GNR had a fair amount of ferals. But the raiders had been few and far between, and she was able to sneak past them with minimal effort. 

Even for self defense, she didn't like the idea of killing a fellow human. And the thought of having to harvest their organs afterwards was enough to make her nauseated. Why did people keep sending her on these ridiculous jobs that she was obviously unqualified for?

At least she wasn't being blackmailed this time. Kay weighed the pros and cons. At some point she would eventually be put into a situation where killing was her only option. If that was the case, would it really be so bad to take their organs afterwards? It wasn't like they were going to be using them anymore.  
And harvesting some organs once in a while might be better than having to come up with all those caps. 

At least it's going towards a good cause. 

Apprehensively, she agreed to his proposal. “Okay. You've got yourself a deal.”

“Good,” said Doctor Barrows, not picking up on the nervous waver in her voice. “Just make sure they're deserving. I don't want you killing anyone who doesn't deserve it.”

Now it was Kay’s turn to feel offended. “You really think I'm some bloodthirsty monster who would kill an innocent person?”

“No, but it doesn't hurt to make sure.”

“Fair enough. So, how much is an organ worth to you?”

“Let's say, twenty five caps per organ and ten per skin sample?”

Kay was about to argue that twenty five was way too low of a price, but decided it might do her more good to approach the situation calmly. “Let's say fifty and twenty,” she said, masking her voice with false confidence. She held out her hand, hoping the doctor wouldn't call her on her bluff.

“Okay, fifty and twenty five,” he said, before shaking her hand. “Just make sure you bring them when they're fresh. After twenty four hours they become unusable. And if you can somehow manage to bring me a living, breathing person, consider your debt paid.”

“That's probably going to be impossible, but good to know. Anyways, can I have my stuff back?”

“Your bag is through that door. There's a shower there too, if you need it,” he said, as he walked up to the door and unlocked it. “Just don't go through the second doorway on the right. That's where I keep the ferals. Oh, and one more thing,” he hesitated, wondering how he should bring it up. 

“Yes?”

“You had a lot of chems in your system when you were brought in here. I don't know what kind of habit you had-"

“I did not have a habit,” Kay said defensively. “I'm not a junkie you know.”

Barrows looked at her doubtfully, like he was trying to decide whether or not he should believe her. He wanted to believe her. After all, she didn't look like a junkie. But, you don't live as long as he has without having a healthy dose of cynicism.

His skeptical gaze made Kay want to scream. 

“Okay, but I feel as though I should warn you anyway. Before you woke up, I had to completely flush your system to prevent any kind of withdrawal. So your tolerance will be lower. Just make sure that if you need to use any kind of chem, start with about half the amount you would normally use.”

“I don't normally use anything,” she argued. “That was my first time taking any kind of chem. And it was necessary!”

“Well, if it becomes necessary again, make sure you only use half.”

Kay picked up on his doubtful tone. However, she was too worn out to keep arguing. “Fine,” she said, before getting out of bed and heading towards the shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, hopefully that wasn't boring. Maybe it doesn't feel as interesting to me because I'm so anxious to get to the chapters with more Charon and Gob <3
> 
> Man, I'm so sorry this took me so long to update! I have mad respect for the people writing quality fanfiction who can update regularly. Idk how they do it. Also, it might take me a while to update sometimes, but I'm never going to leave a fic unfinished.
> 
> Lastly, thanks to all the people reading this! It kind of blows my mind that people like it enough to sit and read it.


End file.
